


Regretful Apologizes

by kncrowder88



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Friendship, One Shot, Rated teen and up as the warning tag is only a brief hint, Warning tag is hinted at, for now might expand on this later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-18 15:41:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13103337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kncrowder88/pseuds/kncrowder88
Summary: Realizing the effect of his first lesson, Remus goes to see Severus.





	Regretful Apologizes

**Author's Note:**

> The warning tag is not explicit. It's probably not even necessary but I'd rather be safe than sorry. The instance(s) are hinted at. There is no scenes for it, no flashbacks, just statements.

Remus Lupin entered the dungeons with apprehension. His first lesson was weeks ago but it haunted him. The sickening laughter of children echoing in his mind. Cruel laughter. Laughter that cropped up in the corridors, at dinner, out on the grounds … laughter he caused. Laughter he started. It reminded him to much of the laughter he long ago ignored. Long ago learned to never hear. He couldn't this time. Not when the results were so evident, so unnervingly unfamiliar.

He had been surprised, yet oddly comforted, when the staff had taken to making their displeasure known. While some were simple about it, plain ignoring him or providing a cold shoulder, others had taken it upon themselves to remind him just how much they disapproved. Charity Burbage had been the biggest surprise, cornering him in his office to give him a lecture about decency and respect for your fellow colleagues. Professor McGonagall … she had a constant look of disappointment that haunted him with each new pitch of laughter. He knew. Knew he made a mistake.

\---------------

Severus had warned them. Told them all that bringing the wolf into this school would only lead to interruption. At first they felt a fun loving teacher wasn't a bad idea. And while Severus had to agree the man was talented in the subject - though he had no qualms as to relating that to his condition - he also had no doubt that it would cause problems. He was right. They rallied around him the moment it happened but he was right. And no amount of silent support, hidden support, would keep the laughter from his classroom. One student had actually taken to creating a vulture that sat on the tip of their quill. Jerking around with each stroke of notes they took.

No, he'd been humiliated yet again and the inability to publicly support him - least they ostracize their own students - lead to nothing for him. He couldn't fault them, remembered clearly the first time Minerva had stood at his side in support. The way the Gryffindors had pulled away from her instantly, running off to tell Dumbledore that he had cursed their head of house. No, it was far easier for the staff to maintain a silent support of him. It was both far more comfortable for him and put less strain on student relations. Instead, he took to spending as much time in his office as possible. Avoiding every instance possible with students, even his Slytherins had taken to mocking him.

"Snape," Remus Lupin's voice froze him in place. His body jerked, fingers twitched, the instinct to disappear and hide overcoming him. "May I …"

"I do not wish you to be in my office."

"I know." The man sounded like the world had engulfed him, eaten him alive, and spit him back out. Glancing to him, lowering his hand from the book he had been reaching for, he turned completely. Taking in the man before him. The battered look, the stench of guilt, of self-hatred, of uncertainty. It was so familiar and yet so … unnerving. Moving to take a seat he simply raised a brow at the man, striving for an appearance of indifference. He couldn't, wouldn't, let him win. "I just … I'm going to talk to my students tomorrow. Tell them to stop. That it's inappropriate. I shouldn't … I should have …"

"Should have realized that the objectification and humiliation of an individual is an improper form of going about achieving something." The man before him flinched. "Then again, you never did learn that lesson before."

"I'm …" Remus sighed, glancing behind him, Severus could almost taste the guilt in the air. The fear. The wolfs eyes settled back on his and he felt a cold dread fill him. "There is nothing I could ever do to apologize for the atrocities I stood by and let happen to you. I was wrong, am still wrong, and …"

"Stood by? Let?" Severus growled, rising to his feet, hands pressing into the desk. With a hard snap the door slammed shut behind Lupin, who had to dodge it to avoid being injured. The wolf swallowed, nervous, and he reveled in the fear he was putting into the man. He wasn't a helpless teenager any more. "Would you like to know what you did or are you to cowardly to face the truth?"

There was no answer. Nothing. For the first time in his life, Severus Snape wondered just how much the man before him knew of his friends. He snarled, turning and stalking off through a dark corner of his office. He had no doubt that Lupin would follow, that curiosity and an idiotic sense of Gryffindor bravery would drive him, compel him, to discover just why Severus Snape hated him so. The staff didn't know, the students had no need to know, and he was not about to risk this conversation being interrupted. Besides, he had no doubt that one of his Slytherins had witnessed their Defense professor coming down to see their House Master. Rumors would already be spreading.

"Snape -"

"I'd offer you tea but the only reason we are in here is because I will not permit for some foolish student eager to gain more material to torment me with the ability to overhear us." Lupin flinched, clearly understanding he was not being invited into his private rooms out of kindness but necessity. "You seek to apologize, do you?"

"For everything."

"Everything," Severus smirked again, sinking into his seat and leveling the man with a look. "Are you aware of just how much Black betrayed you? Not just with his mistrust … but in school."

"James saved you," Lupin swallowed. "Sirius … he …"

"Attempted to utilize you as a weapon in the murder of myself," Severus arched a brow at the flinch. "Yet none of you deemed it necessary to be cautious of his loyalty, did you." Another flinch. He was being cruel. He knew it. He had no doubt this was something he'd run over in his head repeatedly. "I can say that is something we, regrettably, have in common. We were unforgivable for our connections to dark things but Black was forgivable above all else. I wonder if that's because Potter himself was just as … vile, cruel, arrogantly self-assured."

"James wasn't -"

"James Potter forcibly held me upside down, exposing me to the school, while suffocating me with a cleaning spell," He snarled. "All for the entertainment of his friend. Because I didn't deserve to exist." Another flinch. "And after he managed to get me to spurn Lily, send her away, he decided that revenge for her sake - despite her being perfectly capable of defending her own honor - was for HIM to take."

"What are you talking about? James never…." Regret filled Severus. He had suspected, he had to admit, that while never asking how much Remus Lupin knew … that the man was not entirely aware. That he was given pieces of the truth. And here he was finally learning those truths. Because he bothered to apologize. Severus stood, moving to the fire, gripping the mantel with one hand, wondering, briefly, if it be possible to fall in. Just sink into the flames and let them consume him. To finally forget, die, no longer suffer this existence. "What did they do?"

"Leave."

"Snape … Severus." It was his voice that drew his eyes closed. The clear worry, concern, and compassion there. It was so familiar to the way Lily would ask after him, all those years ago. It was the next words that stunned him though, "I'm not asking for myself. I'm not asking out of some desire to prove you wrong or humiliate you. I'm not even asking so I can apologize … whatever it was, I had no knowledge of it. Whatever they did … I don't think you had anyone to talk to about it. I don't think you've been able to share -"

"Some know." There was a long pause after that. He wasn't sure why he told this man that. Why he felt like he should alleviate this sudden need to offer him support. Why he was shoving away someone who seemed to genuinely care about his concern, his fears, his worries. "Just go."

"I will, if that's what you truly want. Just … I'm willing to listen. I'm willing to let you tell your story without judgement, without interference, and if absolutely necessary with my resignation at the end." Dark eyes jerked to the wolf sitting on his couch. Stunned silence filled the air. "Admittedly, that be more of an apology move than anything but I would maintain that we could … continue this discourse despite my resignation if that is what you so desire."

"Are you offering me friendship, Lupin?"

"I'm offering you the chance to tell me how wrong I was in picking the friends I did and, perhaps, together managing to pick a friendship that should have happened years ago." Severus snorted at that. "Lily used to tell me that she teased you for it. That if you let me just be your friend we could all be friends."

"It was a joke." He moved to sit in the armchair, hands clasped in his lap. "I would start ranting that something was up with you, she would insist I could just ask, that we could be friends, a trio of misfits she called it. She always …"

"Had a way of understanding things better than others." Lupin shrugged. "Fifth year?"

"Just before end of term."

"James and Sirius." Severus nodded. "They disappeared, late at night, never told me where they went."

"I was … brewing," Severus shivered at that. "Slughorn always let me use one of his spare labs the week before I left. Knew I liked taking home some potions my mother couldn't get … it was …" He sighed, with a flick of his wand drinks came flying at them, settling on the table. He poured a generous amount of firewhiskey before drowning it. There was no doubt in his mind that he'd have to share, to truly get across the pain of what happened, every fact. "My father was a brute. A violent, cruel brute. The summer before he had dragged me from my room, tossed me onto the kitchen floor, and then laughed as he told … he told a friend to go ahead. My mother … he made sure I couldn't leave, tied me to a chair when I tried to run for the phone, for help. I was forced to watch as he used my mom to pay off debts."

"I … I had no idea that …"

"I had always known, been aware, that things weren't perfect between them. Had heard one to many times my mother utter the word no just to be smacked. It wasn't till then that I let myself admit what was happening. I'd rather my father beat me, which he was prone to, than do that to my mother again. I swore when I returned to school that I'd do something. Anything," He looked at the man on his couch watching dawning realization settle in. That his friendships had been a part of that anything, that his actions had all been calculated choices. "The last week of term I brewed every potion I could think of that would help my mother. Help me throughout the summer. Healing draughts, blood replenishes, sleeping draughts. I had been building up a profit all school year off my potions abilities. Saving to get her out of the situation. I was finishing up a few potions that night, everything boxed up and ready to go. What savings I could get, out to be counted. I needed to make sure it was enough, that she could get away and be safe. Even if I had to stay behind."

"They destroyed it."

"Yes." Severus poured his third glass, sipping at it finally. "They managed to enter the room despite the password on it. Managed to sneak up on me when I was in the middle of brewing. By the time I came too, I was hanging upside down and they were destroying my potions one by one. Black was pocketing the money, laughing at the ways I must have earned it. Mocking me, accusing me of fucking people for profit. Potter, being the insufferable bastard he was, implied that anyone I slept with should be the one paid."

"No … no …"

"Regrettably," Severus swallowed thickly, drowning more of his drink. "Truly wish me to continue?"

"Only if … I don't mean to force … I just … you never told anyone?'

"Lucius Malfoy is aware."

"Dumbledore?"

"No," Looking at his drink he stiffened. "Despite his continued approval of me I … I fear he would not … that he'd simply accuse me of lying. Somehow place blame on me. No one. No one here is aware. Only Sirius Black, yourself, Lucius Malfoy, and one other …" He poured his next glass, stunned when a hand reached for him. Jerking back he looked at the eyes focused on him, expecting pity, stunned by the compassion and regret he saw. "What wolf?"

"I am sorry, truly sorry, I never saw the horrors my friends were capable of and that you had to suffer it as a result. That I never truly questioned why Lily would fall for one of these friends despite years of hatred, and that I never, never, offered you a hand in friendship. That I entered this school and …" Lupin's jaw moved as he swallowed nervously. "That I used my first lesson to torment you and alter your body in a way that must have … must have felt like a violation. I'm truly sorry."

"If that were so you'd appear in such foolish garments within the Great Hall tomorrow morning and for the rest of the day."

\-------------------

Severus had meant it as a joke. Never expecting the man to actually humiliate himself on his behalf. His drunken confessions and their late night conversation, in his opinion, had been a pointless session of self-hatred and self-flagellation on both parts. All that came out of it was that he decided he wasn't going to isolate himself anymore. Least he must suffer the wolfs company again. He appeared in the Great Hall to whispers and snickering. His colleagues giving him silent nods of support and understanding. Sitting between Minerva and Albus as if it were completely natural, his two mentors and pillars of support.

"It would seem," Albus began only for the hall to erupt in cries of outrage. Students crying out about him as if he had personally assaulted someone. Looking up he found himself stunned to find Remus Lupin, one of the banes of his existence, walking into the room wearing the very garments he had had Neville force upon his boggart form weeks ago. He could sense the level of approval from those around him, the understanding this was a public apology and not some act of revenge on his part. The headmasters words fell silent as Remus stepped up to the table and held something out to Severus, who, upon seeing the bottle of firewhiskey, lost it. He laughed, the sound too soft to reach the students. Accepting the bottle he called for the house elf assigned to the staff, asked them to put it away with the others, then, after careful maneuvering, conjured a chair beside him and offered up the seat.

"Thank you."

"Just don't steal my food," Severus smirked at the laugh he got in return. Minerva and Albus shared a proud smile as the two took to bickering like it was normal for them to sit beside each other. The hall fell silent, uncertain about the current development. With a shared look, smirks appearing on their faces, they dismissed themselves. As they left the hall, vulture hats appeared on the Headmaster and Deputy Headmistresses heads to the sound of familiar, far more comfortable, laughter filling the hall. The laughter that followed the first lesson had been unpleasant, cruel, but now as the weeks went on the random appearances of vulture hats generated amusement on all parts.

Remus and Severus quickly grew to addressing each other by first names. Sharing in drinks, occasionally with other staff joining, while maintaining a public appearance of distrust amongst the students. They had fun picking apart the various theories that arose as a result of their behavior. And as the year drew on, steadily coming to a close, Severus Snape believed he had formed, for the second time in his life, a genuine friendship.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed, work isn't beta'd but I did review it before posting. Any errors are mine and mine alone.


End file.
